Practicing Boredom and Unproductivity
Most of us have heard at least a little bit about the benefits of boredom in childhood. This often undesired, certainly unrespected, state can be the impetus for many desirable traits, such as creativity, problem-solving, self-awareness. Boredom is something I prioritize in my homeschool. I leave tons of free time and space for my children to experience boredom, which they hardly ever do because they have learned how to quickly turn that space into imaginative play.
“I wonder how much kinder, more forgiving, more understanding, less quick to anger, and more patient we would be if we all were operating from a state of enough rest rather than one of exhaustion and overwhelm.”
I, on the other hand, need a much better relationship with boredom and unproductivity. As much as I hate to admit it, I really struggle with not grabbing my phone while my children put on a long show for me with their legos or retell all the details of a book they are reading. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. And I am deeply grateful that they want to bring me into their play and share their thoughts, interests, and world with me. However, my brain is unpracticed at stillness, boredom and unproductivity. As I sit with my children, my mind grabs at anything to keep it moving at the fast pace it is used to. It struggles to slow down enough to witness the depth and detail my children are sharing because it has been fed on far too much scrolling and shallow information. Asking it to sit down and partake in a ten course meal is both foreign and uncomfortable when it is used to grabbing snacks on the go.
So what is the answer? Practice. Discomfort. Boredom. Rest. Intention.
“To get better at anything, we must practice it, become familiar with it, make it a part of our daily routine.”
To get better at anything, we must practice it, become familiar with it, make it a part of our daily routine. Stillness is no different. To become better at stillness, I must practice boredom and unproductivity; I must make friends with discomfort, prioritize rest–true rest–and intentionally choose stillness again and again.
3 Ways to Practice Boredom:
Resist the urge to use your phone.
Go stand in a busy place–public transportation, a waiting room, anywhere people are gathered with no structured activity–look around, most people are probably on their phones. They are are safety blanket. They remove us from the discomfort of having nothing to do. Try just siting, just being, practice being in discomfort.
Avoid multitasking.
In today’s busy culture, we are expected to do it all, and all at once. When our boss sends an email, she knows we have our phone with us and expects us to answer even when we are at our kids’ art show (kudos to the bosses who don’t have this expectation, but most of us feel the need to reply anyway). We feel obligated to return texts within a certain timeframe for fear of being a bad friend or getting a reputation of being a “bad texter.”
Try to create windows for each responsibility–dedicating time to each area of your life–work, home, family, etc. rather than trying to do dishes while reading to your children while on a work call. Trust me, as a work from home, homeschooling mother of two, I understand the impossibility of this ask, but I think we can all do better. I know I can. Even if “better” just means not replying to work emails while walking my dog or occasionally folding laundry in silence.
Sit in stillness.
This practice is probably the hardest. Sit, rest, do nothing. AND, do it without shame or guilt. Many of us rarely truly rest. We sit down for a second and think about all we should be doing. I have been known to jump up the moment my husband comes in the room because I worry he will think I am being lazy and wonder how I can possibly be so stressed if I have time to sit and read in the middle of the day. This mindset is not conducive to rest. Rather than resting, fully, I am on alert. I am ready to jump up, to defend myself, to justify my lack of productivity. (I should note that my husband would not criticize my resting, but that doesn’t make the feeling any less real).
As a society at large, we have forgotten how to rest. We have forgotten that this act is not something we need to earn, but is actually essential to our well-being. I wonder how much kinder, more forgiving, more understanding, less quick to anger, and more patient we would be if we all were operating from a state of enough rest rather than one of exhaustion and overwhelm.
Meditate, drink a cup of tea, read a book, or sit and watch the birds out your window. Just don’t do. Be and be without guilt.
So if you, like me, have ever tried to look at your phone in secret while your child reads to you, you are not a bad person. You are simply unpracticed at boredom. You are not used to being unproductive. You might even equate your worth with your accomplishments. Anything new takes practice. It requires intention and attention. Notice this sensation within you, acknowledge it, without judgment, and then resolve to do something different.
